My Love For My Donor Knows No Bounds

This past weekend was National Donor Sabbath weekend, and the questions that I ask myself about the journey were more prevalent than normal. No recipient looks at themselves in the mirror every day without thinking about their donor, even if the scars fade over time.  In my less mature days, I tried to emotionally disconnect myself from the reality of that fact that my donor was a man with feelings, memories, physical characteristics and relationships; that I and maybe a handful of people are the only ones that carry the DNA that share all of the above things.  Now I want to know who he was. What did the lines on his face look like? What color was his hair? Is my need to fight for the underdog and right all the wrongs in the world (even though I am usually on the losing end of that battle) influenced by him? What would he think of the way I live my life? Would he approve or disapprove? I find it interesting that I worry more about his approval from heaven then my own parents on earth.  Do other patients feel this way?

I have friends who have had living donors, and I wonder if they struggle with the same questions.  Does the fear of disapproval grow when they look into that person's eyes? Do they ask the questions "Why me? Why did I get this chance? Do I deserve the second chance that I got?"

I have a beautiful life.  A home, a niece and nephew to adore, friends and family to laugh and love with; I am blessed.  I would not be here without his liver (and might I add he had to be in some seriously good health to have 18 great years so far) and his family's making the choice to donate. Very few recipients know how to say thank you to their donor families (in the event the donor is deceased) because of the fear of causing pain.  Most of the time we are unable to know how to put into words the feelings in our hearts.  I am capable of saying “thank you for giving me the opportunity to build memories, to love and to have this amazing life that I do.  Your choice made all of it  possible.  I hope that my life and choices will reaffirm the decision that you made.”