My Love For My Donor Knows No Bounds

This past weekend was National Donor Sabbath weekend, and the questions that I ask myself about the journey were more prevalent than normal. No recipient looks at themselves in the mirror every day without thinking about their donor, even if the scars fade over time.  In my less mature days, I tried to emotionally disconnect myself from the reality of that fact that my donor was a man with feelings, memories, physical characteristics and relationships; that I and maybe a handful of people are the only ones that carry the DNA that share all of the above things.  Now I want to know who he was. What did the lines on his face look like? What color was his hair? Is my need to fight for the underdog and right all the wrongs in the world (even though I am usually on the losing end of that battle) influenced by him? What would he think of the way I live my life? Would he approve or disapprove? I find it interesting that I worry more about his approval from heaven then my own parents on earth.  Do other patients feel this way?

I have friends who have had living donors, and I wonder if they struggle with the same questions.  Does the fear of disapproval grow when they look into that person's eyes? Do they ask the questions "Why me? Why did I get this chance? Do I deserve the second chance that I got?"

I have a beautiful life.  A home, a niece and nephew to adore, friends and family to laugh and love with; I am blessed.  I would not be here without his liver (and might I add he had to be in some seriously good health to have 18 great years so far) and his family's making the choice to donate. Very few recipients know how to say thank you to their donor families (in the event the donor is deceased) because of the fear of causing pain.  Most of the time we are unable to know how to put into words the feelings in our hearts.  I am capable of saying “thank you for giving me the opportunity to build memories, to love and to have this amazing life that I do.  Your choice made all of it  possible.  I hope that my life and choices will reaffirm the decision that you made.” 

Images of Inner Beauty

Holly from HollyJImages.com



 Girls are taught that looks are important; I was raised in an environment that looking perfect all the time was stressed.  It was pointed out to me by family and coaches when I gained an extra 5 pounds; food taken off my plate to help me shed the extra weight. On the days that I am sporting a pimple or my hair is oily it has the potential to send me over the edge being that I am already OCD about maintaining the perfect image.  Like many women, I have more days where I feel more fat vs beautiful.  So, when it came to taking promotion pics for business I looked for someone who I could feel safe with that they would not be judging how many extra pounds the camera might put on me.  Someone who was patient with my fear of the camera...did that last Kit-Kat add a few extra dimples on the back of my legs?   I would have never thought one of my fears of taking pics could turn into one of those experiences that made me feel incredibly beautiful.  I was lucky to find Holly Schumacher of HollyJ Images.  Finding Holly was a little easier than most since she was a FB friend, but in reality I only remembered her as a very shy little sister of an old swimming peer.  Holly was not a friend growing up; she just was hanging out at the pool when I was.  Holly and I are about as different as two people can be.  I am 6'1" and Holly is 5'4".  Holly is an artistic and stick figures are a challenge for me to draw. Let's not even get into our different choices in men.  Holly and I strongly do share the ability to see the beauty in other's heart and to be passionate about what we do for a living.  Holly was able to take these two wonderful traits and in one image made me feel stunning.  I finally felt like my true beauty was coming through and for once I was not being judged physically.  What a lucky girl I am to have not only found a photographer I love working with, but a new friend who has so many wonderful traits they are hard to count.  Thanks for the gift, my friend!

Go Getter's Magazine-

http://gogettersmagazine.com/2010/10/amy-tippins/